


I'll Do My Crying In The Rain

by missthingsplace



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst, Complete, F/M, M/M, Original Character(s), Rating: NC17, Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-11
Updated: 2014-02-11
Packaged: 2018-01-12 00:51:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 15,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1179958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missthingsplace/pseuds/missthingsplace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Gwen's funeral Ianto questions his life with Torchwood and Jack ...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

**Title:**  I'll Do My Crying In The Rain  
 **Author:** missthingsplace  
 **Parings/characters:** Jack/Ianto, Jack/OC, Ianto/OC OC's  
 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Torchwood or any of the characters ... unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while.  
 **Summary:** After Gwen's funeral Ianto questions his life with Torchwood and Jack ...  
 **Spoilers:** Anything from TW or DW is fair game.  
 **Warnings:** Angst, Slash, Het  
 **Rating:** PG - NC17 for the series.  
  
 **A/N The Angst bunnies were bugging me for weeks, then a song on a advert for the Everly Brothers sent them into a frenzy and this is the result. Major angst.**

The stood side by side, an arm around each other's waists as they watched the coffin lowered into the ground trying to ignore the chill in the air as they fought back the tears that tried to escape down their faces. Ianto glanced up towards where Rhys stood, trying not to catch his eye.

The sight of Rhys stood the other side of the grave with both his mum and mother in law either side of him almost broke Ianto's resolve not to cry, but it was the three month old baby boy in Rhys' arms that finished him off. The child they had wanted so much, the child that would never know his mother.

Ianto couldn't contain the sob that escaped his throat, feeling Jack's arm tighten around his waist he turned into him and buried his face in Jack's shoulder as he tried to regain control of his emotions. He couldn't help but wonder if Rhys held Torchwood, or Jack completely responsible for Gwen's death.

The same alien that had been responsible for Gwen's death had also killed Jack, but unlike Gwen Jack had come back, he hadn't lost him  completely and he couldn't help but feel a little guilty for not having lost his lover like his, their friend.

“Time to leave.” Jack told him softly, his voice hitching with his own emotions.

Ianto looked up to see the rest of the congregation leaving the graveside, heading back to the house Gwen and Rhys had only moved into less than six months before to try and console each other for their loss and attempt to celebrate her life.

“I can't do it Jack, I can't be with her family.”

“It was an accident Ianto, Gwen knew the risks, Rhys knew the risks and I know he doesn't hold her death against us.”

“I would.” Ianto replied quietly as they walked slowly back to the SUV. “Even knowing the risks like Rhys did, I would blame us.”

“He spoke to me, after it happened. Of course he's upset over it but I honestly believe him when he says he knows we would have saved her if we could have.”

“I just want to go home Jack, you can go with them if you want.”

“No, I'm not leaving you while you are feeling like this.” Jack told him as they reached the SUV. “They will be too wrapped up in their grief to notice we're not there.”

Ianto stayed quiet for the whole journey back to their flat, he waited for Jack to unlock the door with his hand shoved in his pockets and his head bowed, staring at his feet. Jack pushed the door open and reached out a hand to Ianto, taking his into his own and led him into the flat, closing the door quietly behind them as Ianto took his coat off and hung it on the hook in the hall before heading for the kitchen.

Jack shed his own coat and hurried to catch up with Ianto, finding him pouring a generous measure of scotch into a tumbler and taking a large gulp as Jack moved to his side and took it from his hand and took a small sip before placing it on the kitchen counter.

“Getting pissed isn't the answer Ianto.”

“Maybe not but it might help me sleep and forget the last few days.”

“And the hangover in the morning will just bring it all flooding back.”

“At least for a few hours Gwen's death won't haunt me.”

Jack wrapped his arms around Ianto's waist and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

“You did everything you could to save her Ianto, you did all the right things but she was just too badly hurt.”

“I keep thinking I could have done more.”

“No, even the paramedics were amazed at how much you had done.”

“Maybe ... how long Jack, how long before I'm cold and dead in the ground like Gwen?”

“You can't think like that Ianto, it'll tear you apart.”

“I know the statistics Jack, technically Gwen and I should have died via Torchwood a few years ago. My time will come, I'm not sure I ready for that yet.”

“Dying and leaving me is not an option, you know that don't you?” Jack told him, a small smile playing on his lips as he tried to lighten the mood.

“I'm tired Jack, I want to sleep.” Ianto replied, not wanting to answer Jack's question before reaching for the discarded glass of whisky and downing it's remaining contents, grimacing as the liquid burnt a trail down his throat.

“I'm coming with you.”

“I'm not in the mood for sex Jack so you can forget any idea's of that.”

“Not everything is about sex Ianto, you know me better than that by now.” Jack replied a little upset. “I just want to hold you.”

“I know, I'm sorry.” Ianto whispered.

They moved slowly to the bedroom, stripping down to their underwear before sliding under the duvet, Jack spooning against Ianto's back and holding him tightly as he felt the silent sobs escape his lover. Jack couldn't stop his own tears flowing as the events of the day and Ianto's tears finally caught up with him, they lay lost in their own thoughts until they drifted exhausted into sleep.

Ianto woke in the early hours of the morning and turned to face Jack, now laying flat on his back and snoring softly, he watched him in the moonlight. He thought about the grey hairs beginning to appear and there on his head, his face finally looking more mature as age and life forced themselves upon him as he studied Jack.

Jack still looked the same as they day they had met more than ten years before, his face, hair, physique. For the first time he thought about how Jack was going to be looking the same for the next fifty, next hundred years while he aged before Jack's eyes and wondered if they could survive it.

Sliding quietly from the bed Ianto grabbed his clothes and dressed quickly careful not to make any noise, grabbing his shoes he left the bedroom and headed for the living room. He placed three items on the coffee table and slipped on his shoes, after one lingering glance at Jack lying asleep in their bed he grabbed his wallet, coat and car keys and left the flat heading for his car as the rain lashed down on him mingling with the tears pouring down his face.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing Jack was aware of when he woke was the sound of the rain beating against the glass of the bedroom widow, muttering under his breath about the Welsh weather he rolled over and reached out for his lover, his eyes springing open when he just felt the cold empty sheets beneath his hands.

Jack lay quietly for a few minutes as he tried to hear any sound that would indicate where Ianto was, suspecting he had probably just gone to the bathroom but when there was nothing but deafening silence he got quickly out of bed and search the flat, coming to an abrupt halt in front of the dining table.

Jack switched on the lamp, not taking his eyes off the items laid out on the table as if he was hoping they would vanish when the lamp light flooded over them but they were still there as clear as day. Jack reached out and picked up Ianto's mobile phone as he wondered why it was there along with the other items, Ianto's Torchwood ID and hand gun.

As Jack put the phone back down he noticed the piece of folded paper under the gun, he pulled it out from beneath it, took a deep breath and unfolded it and read the short note.

_Jack,_

_I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore._

_Just remember that I love you._

_Ianto._

“If you love me then why the fuck have you left me?” Jack yelled at the piece of paper as he kicked the leg of the table forgetting his feet were bare and let out a string of expletives as he clutched his toes.

Hobbling a little into the hall he checked the small bowl where Ianto left his car keys on the window ledge and found it empty, Ianto had taken his car which meant Jack could find him. Dressing quickly Jack donned his coat before heading out into the rain, grateful they had used the SUV the day before and it was parked outside.

The rain was coming down so hard he was half drenched before he even reached the SUV, scrambling into the drivers seat he shook his head sending drops of water flying across the inside of the SUV as he started it. Cursing Ianto under his breath for not talking to him, not telling him exactly how he was feeling Jack slammed the vehicle into gear and speed towards the hub.

After another drenching Jack entered the hub, discarded his soaked coat and headed for the nearest workstation and turned on the computer. Drumming his fingers impatiently as he waited for it to boot up before finding the programme that would locate the tracker attached to Ianto's car, within minutes the car's current location came up on the screen.

“Eureka!”

Jack grabbed his still sopping coat and headed back out, feeding the information into the SUV's sat nav and followed the directions as they came up on the screen. The weather was getting worse and worse if that was at all possible, the windscreen wipers barely keeping up with the rain as it battered the windscreen.

It wasn't until he got closer to where the signal was coming from he realised where the car was actually parked, Jack frowned as he pondered as to why Ianto would be at the beach on a day when the weather was so awful.

Jack pulled to a stop several feet away from where the signal indicated Ianto's car was parked, thinking how stupid it was that despite all the equipment there was in the SUV there was no umbrella. Turning up the collar of his coat and buttoning it up to the top to try and stop the elements getting beneath it he got out the SUV and into the torrential rain, running to where Ianto's car sat.

Peering in the window of the car Jack couldn't see any sign of Ianto, trying the handles proved the car to be locked. Jack kicked the tyre and turned to survey his surroundings, barely able to see more than a few feet in front of him he began to make he way along the cliff top towards where he knew there was a shelter.

Jack dived beneath the roof of the shelter, totally drenched as the rain poured off his hair and down his face as he tried in vain to wipe it away with his soggy coat sleeves. Reaching beneath his coat he pulled out a mostly dry handkerchief from his trouser pocket and dried he face as best it could, as he shoved it back into his pocket he spotted the items placed neatly at the end of the wooden bench.

Jack crouched down and inspected them, there was no mistaking that the items belonged to Ianto without even looking in the wallet. It was placed on top of the pile that consisted of Ianto's shoes and coat, along side his car keys. The thing that worried Jack the most was the empty bottle of painkillers laying on their side beside the pile.

“Shit!” Jack exclaimed loudly, exiting the shelter and now totally oblivious of the rain as he ran towards the edge of the cliff.

“Ianto?” Jack bellowed into the rain.

“You all right mate?” An elderly man dressed from head to to in waterproof clothes asked, dog on a lead as if the weather was just a little inconvenience.

“Have you seen anyone, a young man with no coat or shoes?” Jack asked know how stupid it sounded in the current weather.

“Not seen no one.” The man answered. “Sorry.” And carried on walking his bedraggled dog.

“Ianto!” Jack yelled again looking over the edge of the cliff as he tried not to slip on the wet grass and earth.

“Fuck it Ianto, where the bloody hell are you.” Jack ran back down the cliff top and down the path that led to the bay, swearing loudly again when he realised the tide was in completely and the sea was crashing against the cliffs.

Jack returned to the shelter and pulled out his mobile phone, calling the coastguard and explaining the situation he before returning to the edge of the cliff and staring down, the tears pouring down his face obliterated by the rain hitting his face as he sunk to his knees on the sopping wet ground and sobbed.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Ianto dripped his way across the foyer of the bed and breakfast he had chosen randomly knowing what a sight he must look, apart from not wearing any shoes or coat he was literally drenched to the skin. He grimaced as his socks squelched and left little puddles on the tiled floor as he saw the young woman behind the desk watch him walk towards her, pulling himself up straight and trying to seem as if nothing was wrong Ianto stopped at the desk.

“Can I help you ... Sir?” She asked as he looked him up and down a little disdainfully.

“I'd like a room please, one night.”

“You seem a little wet Sir.” She remarked as she checked the room availability.

“Car broke down, lost a shoe when I kicked the tyre and it flew off and got run over by a truck.”

“I see Sir, okay, we have one single room available for tonight, how would you like to pay?”

Ianto handed her the only debit card in his pocket, linked to an account in an alias name that he thought he would never have to use for this kind of situation.

“Thank you Mr Smith.” She said politely as she took it from him and swiped it through the machine on her desk.

Ianto tapped his fingers impatiently as he waited for the card to be accepted, desperate to get out of the cold wet clothes before he began to shiver. A few moments later the young woman handed him his card back and fetched a key, the fob donating that he was in room sixteen.

“No luggage?”

“I wasn't planning on staying overnight.”

“You'll find complimentary toiletries in the on-suite bathroom, would you like us to dry your clothes?”

“When will they be ready?”

“This evening sir, or would the morning suit you better? would you like an alarm call?”

Ianto thought for a moment. “No, thank you on the alarm call and the morning will be fine.”

“Very well Sir, we'll await your call via room service for the return of your clothes. Have a good day Sir.”

Ianto nodded. “Thank you.” And turned to leave.

“Room sixteen is on the first floor sir, lifts are to your left.”

“Thanks, again.” Ianto replied as he squelched his way across the foyer again.

Walking into the empty lift he turned to face the doors, noticing as they closed that the young woman was watching him intently. Less than a minute later they opened again announcing that he had reached the first floor, trying to ignore the small puddle he left in the lift he quickly found his room and let himself in.

The room was basic but looked clean as he headed straight for the bathroom and turned on the shower, quickly stripping of his soggy clothing and putting it in a pile on the floor and wrapping a towel around his body as he called room service to collect the clothes. They told him to leave them outside the door, Ianto explained that they were wet and they told him where to find a bag for the laundry service.

After thanking them he located the bag in the small bathroom closet and threw them in it, quickly depositing it outside the door and hurrying back to the bathroom desperate to get the chill out of his bones he put the towel over the heated towel rail and climbed under the shower. Ianto slowly turned the heat up slowly until it was almost too hot to bear before using the meagre supplies of shower gel and shampoo at his disposal.

Turning off the water after what seemed like hours Ianto wrapped the towel back round his body, roughly drying his hair with the hand towel before leaving the steamy heat of the bathroom. The air of the main room was cool by comparison, Ianto shivered as he sat on the single bed and called room service again, ordering a sandwich and a cup of tea.

With a sigh he lay back on the bed to wait for his refreshments, closing his eyes the thoughts he had been trying to evade flooded through his brain. He had done it, he had left the job he fought for and the man he loved and he wasn't at all sure even now it was the right thing to do. It had seemed so right a couple of hours ago when he rushed from the flat but now in the cold light of day he wasn't so sure.

Glancing at his watch he knew Jack would have discovered the flat empty and the items he had left on the dining room table and was probably frantically looking for him, he wasn't stupid, he knew Jack would find the car using the tracker which was why he had faked suicide. He wondered if Jack would take it seriously or guess it was a ploy to put him off the scent? But whichever it was he knew Jack wouldn't stop until he found him or his body.

Ianto curled in his side and hugged one of the pillows to his chest, he was missing Jack already so much it actually hurt physically. His touch, his caress, his smell, hell even just his presence. He couldn't help but remember the funeral the day before and the tenderness Jack showed him that night when he was so upset, the more he thought of what he was giving up the more upset he got until his eyes welled up and the tears fell down his cheeks uncontrollably.

In the morning he would go home he decided, back to Jack, back to Torchwood even. If being away from Jack for just a few hours had this effect on his what would he be like in a week, a month? Jack was going to freak, he could only imagine how angry he would be with him for putting him though this but love would win out, right? he told himself.

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. “Room service Mr. Smith.” A voice Ianto recognised as he wiped his eyes with the back of his hands and moved to the door and opened it.

“Your refreshments Sir.” The young woman from the desk told him. “You okay?”

“Fine, thank you.” Ianto told her, taking the offered tray.

“Can I get you anything else Sir?”

“No, nothing thanks.”

“If I might offer Sir, we have a few clothes we keep in case of emergencies, thing that have been left behind and never claimed. All clean and laundered, nothing fancy just jeans, t shirt and jumpers mainly, would you like to borrow something?”

“I'm not sure ....”

“Well, you can hardly go to the bar or dining room dressed in a towel Sir.” She smiled softly.

“Okay, thank you.” He gave the young woman his sizes and she told him she'd see what she could fine.

“Back soon Sir.”

“Please, call me John.”

“Yes Sir, I mean John.

Ianto closed the door behind her and lent back against it wondering if she would be being so helpful and nice if she knew he had just walked out on his lover with no real explanation and left him thinking he was dead.

The young woman rummaged thought the clothes she had mentioned, grabbing a pair of jeans, a sweater and a pair of trainers that looked brand new that should fit the man in room sixteen and then shut the door, turning round to find herself being watched.

“So, what's this one like Tina?” The young man looking at her smiled.

“Cute, very cute and obviously upset about something.”

“You know you're getting a bit of a reputation round her, don't you?”

“I know what they call me, tart, slut, slag? Just 'cos I act like a guy?”

“Well ...”

“Keep your opinions to yourself, it's my life and I sleep with whoever I want to.” She told him, storming off back to to room sixteen.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Jack heard the helicopter less than ten minutes later, seconds before he heard someone yelling out to him through the noise and the rain.

“Captain Jack Harkness?” The voice came from the man who's body slowly emerged through the sheeting rain.

Jack dragged himself to his feet, his sodden coat heavy on his shoulders. “Yeah.”

“If he's in the sea we'll find him, can you tell me exactly what you know?”

“I found his car down there, his shoes and coat along with his wallet and car keys just over there on the bench in the shelter.”

“Any other reason to suspect he committed suicide?” The policeman asked bluntly.

“A note, along with other personal items he left on the dining room table.”

“Note?”

Jack pulled the now soggy piece of paper from his pocket and unfolded it but the words were now streaked and barely visible but he handed it to him anyway, the man read it quickly and handed it back to Jack.

“Did you have a fight, some kind of disagreement?”

“No, but we went to a colleagues funeral yesterday and it upset him a lot, when I woke this morning he was gone.”

“Would have said last night he was suicidal?”

“Are you bloody mad? If I thought he was I wouldn't have let him out of my fucking sight!” Jack yelled at the man.

“I'm sorry Sir, but I have to ask.”

“Yeah, I know, it's just ...”

“I understand Sir, what happened to your work colleague?”

“She was killed, a stupid senseless accident.”

“At work?”

Jack nodded.

“Can you give me any other details?”

“No, it's classified.”

“I really need to know all the facts sir, it'll help.”

“No you don't and if he's dead, down there in the sea somewhere it's not going to help him is it, or me.” Jack told him, raising his voice again.

“The lifeboat and the search and rescue helicopter are searching for him, despite the rain they will find him if he ... if he hasn't been washed away with the tide.”

“You have to find him, if he's dead I need to know, not knowing will be worse ...”

“He wasn't just a work colleague was he?”

“No.” Jack fought back a sob.

“Partner?”

“I loved ... love him.” Jack couldn't stop the second sob, he turned from the officer and moved to the shelter where Ianto's belongings still sat.

Jack picked up the wallet and looked at Ianto's driving licence photo, stroking his thumb over it.

“Why, why have you done this you idiot.” Jack muttered quietly to the picture. “Losing you anytime was going to be hard, but like this?”

He put the wallet back down and rested his head against the wooden back wall of the shelter, closing his eyes as the wet and cold finally began to seep into his bones and he began to shiver. Jack knew he needed to get out of the sopping wet attire but he couldn't face going home, not yet. Not back to the empty flat they now shared.

Jack had no idea how long he sat there, frozen, wet and shivering but it felt like an eternity. He kept hoping that any minute he would wake up and realise the noise of the rain that was unrelentingly lashing down was hitting the bedroom window and that he would find himself wrapped around Ianto's warm body in bed but he had an inking that it wasn't going to happen.

“Sir?” The policeman's voice cut through his thoughts.

Jack slowly opened his eyes and looked at the bedraggled man.

“They've not found anything near the coast, they're going to go further out but I have to inform you they're not holding out much hope.”

“Don't say that, never say that.” Jack was almost growling at him as he replied.

“Go home Sir, get out of those wet clothes before you develop hypothermia and we'll contact you soon.”

“Go home? Are you kidding?”

“Somewhere else you can go? A friend?”

Jack nodded slowly, he would go to the hub. “Yeah.”

“We'll call you as soon as we know anything Sir.”

“Thank you.” Jack got to his feet, picked up Ianto's belongings and started to walk down the cliff to where the SUV was parked.

He'd barely gone a few yards before the policeman caught him up.

“Just one more thing Sir, have you considered that maybe he hasn't killed himself, that this is all just an elaborate hoax?”

Jack frowned. “Why would someone do that?”

“The mind works in mysterious ways Sir.”

Jack's mind suddenly sprang into action. “If he's still alive I will find him.” He said determinedly. “Call me when you find nothing.” Jack added as he broke into a run back to the SUV.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Ianto woke up with a start, wondering where the hell he was for a moment before the earlier events of the day came back to him and then became aware of the stickiness covering his stomach. Lifting the covers he groaned remembering the dream he had been having about Jack, he climbed out from beneath the covers of the bed and padded naked to the bathroom as he realised he hadn't had a wet dream since he was a teenager.

After a quick shower, partly to clean himself up and partly to bring his head out of the fuzziness that came with napping in the middle afternoon he dried himself and looked at the pile of clothes the young woman had given him, Tina, she had told him when she delivered them. She mentioned that the dining room served dinner between 5pm and 7pm for an extra charge if he wanted to eat.

A glance at his watch told him it was nearly 5pm and his stomach was grumbling, he hadn't eaten anything at all since the day before and he felt suddenly starving. Dressing quickly despite the odd feeling of wearing strange clothes and not having any underwear he then grabbed the key to the room and headed down to find the dining room.

The room was pretty empty and quiet, he chose a table in the farthest corner of the room and glanced over the limited menu choosing to have the lasagne and chips as the waiter came to take his order.

“Ready to order Sir?”

“Please.” Ianto replied, telling him what he wanted.

“Anything to drink Sir?”

“Pint of lager thanks.”

“Room number Sir, so I can add it to your final bill.”

“Sixteen.”

“Thank you Sir.” The waiter replied as he walked away from the table, Tina was right, he was very cute he thought to himself.

Ianto glanced about the room, doing everything in his power to take his mind off why he was there. The walls were pretty bare so he turned to attention to the few other patrons, there was a elderly couple at one table, deep in conversation as they sipped their glasses of wine. Ianto found himself imagining they were there celebrating something special, maybe an anniversary.

At the table nearest to him there was what looked like some kind of businessman, around his own age, dressed in a smart but obviously cheap suit reading the paper as he waited for his meal. The only other occupied table contain a family, mum, dad and two young children. The baby was in his mothers arms while his sister sat beside her father, barely big enough to see over the table, the image made him smile for some reason.

“Your drink Sir.” The waiter told him, placing it on the table before him. “Your food won't be long.”

“Thank you.” Ianto replied politely, a little surprised at the look the waiter appeared to be giving him.

What was it with this place he thought to himself, Tina had been trying to flirt with him when she bought him the clothes he was wearing and now the waiter seemed to be giving him the come on. Ianto shook the thought from his head and turned his attention to the window beside him, the rain was still pelting down outside making the view blurry but he could just about make out the neatly cut lawns and trees. The sound of a plate being placed in front of him turned his attention back to his table, avoiding looking the waiter directly in the eye he thanked him again and began to eat.

Declining desert Ianto left the dining room after finishing his meal and headed for the bar, despite what Jack had said to him the evening before about alcohol not being to solution to anything he had the urge to drink himself slowly into some kind of stupor, whether it was a happy or unhappy one remained to be seen as he ordered his second pint of lager of the evening along with a whisky chaser and moved to one of the comfy armchairs in the room.

“Mind if I join you?”

Ianto looked up as Tina plonked herself into the seat next to him without waiting for a reply.

“Sure.” Ianto shrugged downing half his pint in one gulp.

“Want to tell me about it?” Tina asked.

“What?” Ianto replied grumpily.

“The real reason you turned up here drenched to the bone, I don't believe the story you told be for one minute.”

“Personal and none of your business.” His voice tight and clipped.

“Ah, so I was right then, you did lie.”

“Yes I lied.” Ianto snarked, finishing the rest of his pint with another gulp.

“I'll get some more drinks.” Tina told him getting to her feet and going to the bar with a smug look on her face that Ianto couldn't see.

Another four pints later and Ianto found himself telling Tina about the funeral the day before, how it had made him rethink his life and that he had walked out on his lover that morning. He didn't however tell her the actual reasons, still insisted they were too personal and made no mention of the faked suicide.

“Lover? That's a bit of an odd term?”

“It's what we were, lovers, although I am beginning to regret leaving him like I did.” Ianto's face clouded over sadly.

“Him?”

“Yep, Jack.”

“So, you're gay?” Tina asked, her disappointment clear in her voice.

Ianto found himself chuckling softly despite his mood. “No, not gay.”

“Oh!” She exclaimed, interested again.

“Want another drink?” Ianto offered.

“I think I'd like coffee.”

“I'll go and order it.” Ianto told her, getting a little shakily to his feet.

Tina stood up and steadied him with her hand. “We could have it in your room, talk some more in private?”

“I'm not sure that's such a good idea, I think I need to sleep.”

“You can cry on my shoulder if you want.” Tina smiled sweetly at him.

“Okay, I hope you are prepared to get drenched. I'm going back to him, Jack in the morning” Ianto replied sadly.

“You sure you want to do that?”

“Yep.” Ianto nodded, not trusting himself to say anymore.

After ordering coffee to be sent to his room they stumbled to the lift, taking it up to his floor and into his room. Ianto excused himself to use the bathroom, when he emerged the coffee had arrived and was on the small bedside table. Tina was perched on the edge of the bed sipping hers, Ianto pick his up and took a small sip.

“Yuck.” He remarked, placing the cup back down. “That is one of the worst cups of coffee I have ever tasted, worse than Jack's.”

“It's not so bad.” Tina told him, finishing hers and putting her cup beside him. “Sit.” She told him, patting the bed beside her.

“I'm an idiot.” Ianto told her as he did as she suggested. “I should never even considered leaving him, it seems such a good idea this morning.” His voice hitching with emotion.

Tina told him as he reached up and brushed her fingers through the front of his hair. “ You're cute.” She said, not really listening to him.

“What?” Ianto asked, not sure he had heard her correctly.

“I said that I thought you were cute.” Tina smiled before leaning forwards and pressing her lips to his.

Ianto's eyes widened as he gasped in surprise, her tongue taking advantage and snaking into his mouth as her hand went to his crotch.

Ianto pulled back. “This is not a good idea, I've never cheated on Jack before.”

“Maybe, but it'll take your mind off your problems for a while.” Tina replied, kissing him again before he had time to stop her and pushing him back onto the bed. “Not really cheating if you've left him.”

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Jack ran through the cog door and into the hub, stripping off his coat as he entered and ran straight up to his office hanging the sopping wet item of clothing on the coat hook before kicking off his boots and was about to shed the rest of his clothes when a shout stopped him.

“Jack, that you?” A voice called out as footsteps sounded on the steps to his office. “Everything okay? I've been trying to call you all day.”

“Linda, oh god I'm so sorry, I turned my phone off for the funeral yesterday and I forgot to turn it back on.” Jack told the young medic as she walked through the door.

“Jack, what's wrong?” She asked, concerned at his dishevelled state.

“It's nothing, I'll be okay just ...”

“Look, I know I've only been here a couple of weeks Jack but I can see it obviously isn't okay.” She told him. “You're drenched through and if I'm not mistaken you look like you've been crying very recently and where's Ianto?”

Jack dropped down onto his chair with a loud squelch and buried his head in his arms on the desk, his resolve to be strong, believe that Ianto was alive and just focus on finding him crumbled away at her words.

“I don't know ... for all I know he could be dead.”

Linda moved around to Jack's side of the desk and crouched down beside him, placing a hand on Jack's shoulder.

“Tell me what's happened Jack.”

“I woke this morning and he was gone, he left his gun, ID and phone behind. I tracked his car and found his shoes and coat, along with his wallet and keys at the top of the cliff ... I thought he'd jumped, committed suicide.”

“And now?”

“The coastguard couldn't find him, the policeman I spoke to asked me if it might be just a hoax, a ruse to make me think he had committed suicide and it gave me some hope that I might find him.”

“Jack, why would he do this to you?” Linda asked softly.

“I don't know, I know the funeral really upset him but I never thought he would do anything like this.”

“Look at me Jack.” She told him, Jack turned his head but still rested it on his arms, tears streaking his cheeks. “If he's alive we'll find him and then you can ask him.”

“If we find him I may just want to kill him first.” Jack told her truthfully.

“Of course you'll be angry with him but killing him won't help.”

Jack sat up in his seat and looked at her. “You'll help me?”

Linda nodded. “Any idea where to start?”

“Not really.”

“Well, he had no car, shoes or coat, he can't have got very far in this weather.”

“Unless he hitch hiked.”

“Well, lets start local first, was he anywhere near a village, town?”

“Yeah.”

“Then that's where we start.”

Jack got to his feet. “Linda, you are brilliant.” He told her, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“You might want to get dry first Jack, you're freezing.”

“Going to have a hot shower, I have some spare clothes somewhere.” Jack told her, heading off towards the showers.

Jack turned on the shower and adjusted the temperature so it was a little hotter than normal, as he stripped off his clothes he began to shiver again, the cool air of the room on his skin making him feel even colder. Grabbing a towel and placing it nearby he stepped under the spray and gasped as the hot water hit his cold skin, standing still for a few minutes as he let the warmth seep into his skin.

He reached for the soap and began to scrub his skin, using it to get his circulation going again in an attempt to warm himself though properly. As his hands cleaned his body he wouldn't help thoughts of Ianto creep into his head, now he thought that Ianto might actually be alive and what he had put him through he started to feel more and more angry.

Oh he was sure Ianto must have thought it was the best thing to do at the time, if Jack thought he was dead then he would grieve and in time come to terms with his death and move on, if he thought he had just left him he wouldn't give up his search for him and how right he was. At this moment in time he was torn between wanting to kiss him senseless when he found him and beating the crap out of him for what he did.

Jack got out the shower, he was far to wound up to enjoy the relaxing effect it should have been having and dried himself roughly with the towel before digging around in the lockers for the spare clothes he knew he had somewhere, once dressed he grabbed a padded jacket that he rarely wore and headed back up to the main hub.

“Okay Linda, where do we start?”

“Jack, you sure you don't want to wait a little while, have some coffee, calm down ...”

“No, I want to find the bastard!”

“Okay ... then I suggest we go back to the village and check out any bed and breakfasts and hotels in the area, they are bound to remember a drenched, cute guy wanting a room.”

“Yeah.” Jack replied, putting on the jacket. “Coat is drenched.” He told Linda as she gave him a strange look.

“Lets go find Ianto.” Linda told him, trying to be positive.

“I can do this alone.”

“I don't think ...”

“I'm going alone.” Jack told her, turned on his heel and left through the cog door.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

Ianto knew he should stop her as he looked down at the head bobbing up and down between his legs, her mouth was smaller than Jack's and barely half as talented but if he closed his eyes he could imagine it was Jack's mouth sucking his cock. She'd yanked the jeans off his legs but he was still wearing the jumper, as she cupped his balls with a hand he moaned softly and parted his legs wider desperately wanting to feel her fingers more intimately.

Her fingers stayed well away from his arse, so Ianto imagined Jack's fingers touching him, sliding inside him as he felt his orgasm beginning to mount, drawing him closer to the edge. Tina tried to keep control of his hips as he began to thrust faster into her mouth, Ianto reached down and grabbed her hair, his fingers tangling in the long strands and yanking on it as he fell over the edge, making her yelp as he tugged hard and his come shot down her throat.

“Jack!” He groaned out loud.

Tina let his cock slip from her mouth and looked at him in horror. “You bastard.”

“What?” Ianto asked, confused in his drunk, post orgasmic state.

“My name is Tina, not Jack.” She spat getting off the bed and doing up the buttons on her blouse.

“It's true, you're no Jack.” Ianto smirked. “You need to work on your technique.”

“Can't have been that bad, you came.” She countered.

“Yep, but only 'cos I was imagining it was Jack's mouth on my cock, his fingers in my arse.”

“That's ... disgusting.” She told him, picking up her shoes and heading for the door.

“Slut.” Ianto yelled at her as she opened it.

“What does that make you?” She sneered before slamming the door behind her.

“An idiot.”Ianto muttered to himself as he sat up and pulled off the jumper, throwing it on the floor with the jeans, headed into the bathroom and turned on the shower to heat up before picking up the phone to call room service.

“I'm in room sixteen, are my clothes dry yet?” He asked.

“Yes Sir, you'd like them back now?”

“Yep, I'm leaving.”

“They'll be delivered to your room in a few minutes.”

“I might be in the shower, just ask them to leave them on the bed for me please.”

“Of course Sir.”

“Thanks.” Ianto replaced the receiver and headed for the shower, scrubbing himself clean as if trying to eradicate what had just happened from his mind.

When he emerged from the bathroom he came face to face with the waiter from the restaurant leaving his suit on the bed.

“Aren't you a waiter?” Ianto asked, tucking the towel tightly around his waist.

“We all do everything here.” He shrugged. “I hear you're leaving.”

“Yep, doing what I should have done hours ago, I'm going home.”

“Good luck Sir.” He said as he left the room leaving Ianto feeling confused not knowing Tina had told him everything.

Ianto picked up the phone again and called down to the reception and asked them to call him a taxi, giving the address of the flat and then dressed quickly and headed down to the foyer, wearing the trainers with his suit to wait for it. It arrived soon after and he got in, still not sure what he was going to say to Jack, no idea how Jack was going to react when he saw him alive and well.

After a quick stop at a cash machine on the way to get some money for the taxi fare he finally reached the flat, paying the driver he walked to the door and fumbled for his keys before remembering he had left them in the shelter on the cliff top. Groaning to himself he rang the bell of the flat below his and waited for the occupant to answer.

“Hello.”

“Hi, it's Ianto from the flat above, I've locked myself out.”

“Okay mate, hang on.”

A moment later the buzzer went and Ianto pushed the door open, the man from the flat below met him holding the spare key to his flat in his hand and handed it to him.

“I knew giving you a spare key would come in useful one day.” Ianto said, thanking him.

“No problem, you okay?”

“Yep, fine. Thanks again.” Ianto replied before climbing the stairs up to the next floor, taking a deep breath before putting the key in the lock and letting himself in.

The flat was silent, Ianto moved from room to room but there was no sign of Jack. The items he had left on the table were still in place, just the note was missing. Ianto sank down onto one of the chairs as the feelings of guilt over what he was putting Jack through began to build, he picked up his mobile and went to call Jack but put it back down again not sure if he was ready to explain himself just yet.

He knew Jack too well, Jack would be so angry with him, no matter how happy to see him and he wasn't ready for the fight that was bound to come once Jack knew he was back. Moving to the kitchen he opened the cupboard and grabbed the bottle of whisky he had used the night before, he knew it was a stupid idea on top of all the beer he'd already consumed but he was past the point of caring.

Ianto carried the glass and the bottle in to the bedroom and set them on the bedside table, he drew the curtains against the still raging weather outside, stripped to his underwear and got under the duvet. Gulping down the contents of the glass he lay down and clutched Jack's pillow to his chest, breathing in Jack's lingering scent and as he wondered if Jack would ever forgive him tears began to fall uncontrollably down his face till he was sobbing into the pillow.

The thought that he might have just lost Jack completely over what he had done invaded his head, how on earth was he going to carry on without him, maybe he thought he should have actually jumped off the cliff.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

Jack had tried one hotel and two bed and breakfasts, he cursed the weather for the umpteenth time as he trudged through the rain to the third bed and breakfast beginning to think Linda had been wrong and Ianto hadn't stayed around locally. As he walked through the foyer the girl on the desk gave him a beaming smile.

“Good evening Sir, how can I help.” She asked brightly.

“I'm looking for someone, I was wondering if you've a man staying her, he would have been very wet when he arrived and not wearing shoes or a coat.”

“I only came on duty half an hour ago Sir, but I shall enquire for you.”

“Thank you.”

“Please, take a seat and I'll be back in a few minutes.” She told him, indicating the chairs as she left the desk.

Jack didn't sit, he wandered aimlessly around the small foyer looking at the various paintings and photographs that adorned the walls but not really seeing them until the girl came back.

“Good news and bad news Sir.” She told him. “It seems we did in fact have a man fitting that description here earlier but he left a little over an hour ago after an ... incident with one of the staff.”

“An incident?”

“Well, I'm not one for gossip but.” She lowered he voice to a whisper. “It seems one of the female staff was in his room, one with a questionable reputation I might add and they had a little disagreement and he decided to leave.”

“A questionable reputation?”

“The bed and breakfast slut.” She whispered, glancing around.

“Any idea where he went?”

“No Sir, all the day staff have left, that's all I could find out.”

“Thank you.” Jack replied through gritted teeth before heading for the door, muttering under his breath. “Cheating fucking bastard.”

Jack ran through the rain back to the SUV, threw himself into the drivers seat and wiped away the tears that mingled with the rain from his face, tears of anger as well as upset and slammed the car into gear and sped back towards Cardiff cursing Ianto every name under the sun as he did so.

Once he was back in the hub he slammed the door to his office behind him, making the glass walls vibrate so much it was a wonder they didn't shatter and punched the wall, yelling out in pain as he cradled his fist in the palm of his other hand in frustration.

“Jack?”

He hadn't heard his door open, he turned to see Linda looking at him with a concerned look on her face.

“You should have gone home by now.” He told her, trying to keep control of his emotions.

“I was worried about you, didn't want to leave till I knew you was okay.”

“Oh I'm bloody wonderful, not only did the man I love, who I thought love me walk out on me this morning and fake suicide he cheated on me with some slut.” Jack yelled.

“You know this for a fact?” Linda asked, moving closer to him.

“Oh yeah, it's the gossip of the bed and breakfast he was booked into.”

“He's not there now?”

“No, he left and it's probably a good thing or I might have done something really stupid like killed him for real.” Jack growled.

“Jack, it's gossip, if this person is a slut maybe he turned her down and she made it all up?”

“It's an interesting idea but if he'd been drinking, well ...”

Linda reached out and touched Jack's arm. “You have to calm down, you can't be in this state when you find him.”

“How could he do this to me? All of it?” Jack asked, a tear running down his face.

“Grief does strange things to people, give him the chance to explain before you go in all barrels blazing.”

“Ya think?” Jack snarked.

“Jack.” She said softly, pulling him into a hug and kissing his cheek as he tried to fight against her embrace. “Calm down.”

“Linda.” Jack said, sounding surprisingly calm all of a sudden.

“What, you need something?”

Jack didn't answer, his mouth crushed against her kissing her hard as he pressed her back on the glass wall behind. His tongue invaded her mouth as she struggled to free herself from his arms but he was pressed tight against her, one hand grabbing at her arse as the other went to the hem of her skirt and slid up her inner thigh.

Linda mustered all her strength and pushed his backwards using her body weight, sending him flying into his desk, the edge of it hitting him in the kidneys and causing him to drop the the floor groaning in pain.

“What the hell do you think you're doing?” Linda shrieked at Jack.

“I'm sorry, so sorry.” Jack told her as he got to his feet. “I should never have done that.”

“I could sue, sexual harassment.” She told him coldly. “But luckily for you I know you were just trying to use me to get back at Ianto, not that it excuses what you did.”

“Linda, I ...”

“Forget it Jack, just go home and calm down and then tomorrow I'll help you try and find him, if you still want to?”

“I love him ... I have to find out what's going on even if ... even if it's over.”

“I'll see you tomorrow.” Linda told him, leaving the office, grabbing her coat and exiting the hub.

Jack reached for his coat, it was still soaking wet. He put it over his arm to take to the flat, intending to hang it over a radiator and left the hub.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

Ianto heard the door of the flat open and close and Jack's footsteps walk straight past the bedroom and into the living room, he moved so he was sitting on the edge of the bed hesitating for a moment. Did it really matter of he went to find Jack or if he stayed where he was until Jack found him? Somehow he didn't think so, he got to his feet and made his way across the room and out the door ready to face the music.

Ianto couldn't have walked any slower to the living room if he had tried, he could hear Jack moving around muttering to himself. Stopping by the door frame he waited for Jack to spot him, he was pacing back and forth wearing an unfamiliar coat with his eyes fixed on the floor. Ianto spotted his coat hanging from the picture rail over the radiator as Jack saw his feet.

Jack came to a halt, his eyes slowly moving upwards from Ianto's feet until they reached his face, Ianto couldn't read what the look on Jack's face was, it seemed to be a combination of anger and relief.

“Jack I need to explain, I ...”

Jack cut him off. “Explain? You left me Ianto, you left me with no more than a short note and if that wasn't cruel enough you led me to believe you had killed yourself.”

“I wasn't thinking straight, I woke up this morning and I just felt like I couldn't do this anymore.”

“Do what anymore? Love me?”

“No, not exactly.”

“Not exactly? Then what?”

“We've just buried Gwen, how long before you're burying me? The thought of dying young, it just seemed to wrong suddenly.”

“Why not just leave Torchwood? I wouldn't have retconned you, I love you.”

“That's the other reason, you don't look a day older than when we met. I know I'm getting grey hairs, I'm ageing Jack and it scares me that you'll leave me for an younger model if I live ... I feel like I can't win.”

You're scared of dying and scared of living to old age?”

“You're not getting it, are you?”

“Not really, no.”

“What happens when I turn fifty, sixty, when my hairs grey and my face starts to look old and wrinkled? When my libido sinks into my shoes and my body gets old and creaky? You won't want me anymore, you'll want someone young and gorgeous.”

“What like the slut you screwed in the bed and breakfast this afternoon?” Jack snarled.

Ianto looked at him shocked, how the hell did he know about Tina?

“On the gossip grapevine is alive and well, they girl on reception was only to happy to tell me. Was she good?”

“I didn't screw her, not technically.”

“I'm listening.” Jack stated, folding his arms in a defensive stance.

“I got drunk and she offered me a shoulder to cry on, before I knew it she had me half naked and ... and my cock was down her throat.” Ianto finished quietly.

“You still cheated on me.” Jack ranted.

“I barely touched her, she opened her own blouse before going down on me, once I'd come she left.”

“You expect me to believe the, and I quote, bed and breakfast slut left after just a blow job?”

“Well, she wasn't too happy when I called out your name when I came.”

A hint of a smile played on the corner of Jack's lips but he wasn't going to let Ianto off that easily.

“Do you have any idea how much you hurt me today?”

“Yep, and I should have come back sooner, I missed you as soon as I reached the bed and breakfast.”

“So why didn't you?”

“I don't know, I'm an idiot.”

“And why come back now?”

“Because that tart made me realise how much I wanted to be with you, how much I missed you, how much I love you.”

“I feel like I want to beat you into next week.” Jack told him.

“I wouldn't blame you of you did, I deserve it.” Ianto moved slowly closer to Jack.

“Was she good?” Jack asked.

“Not a patch on you.”

“She was just a girl Ianto, you could have stopped her.” Jack replied.

“I was drunk, I said ...”

“No excuse. I'm not sure if I can forgive you Ianto, for everything that you've put me through today.”

“You don't love me anymore?”

“No, I love you as much as ever but at this moment in time I hate you more.”

“I'm sorry Jack, for everything.”

“I don't trust you not to do something like this again.”

“Never, I promise.”

“Jack please.” Ianto begged, grabbing Jack's forearms. “I love you.”

“Get off me.” Jack yelled, pushing him away.

“Anything Jack, I'll do anything if you forgive me.” Ianto tried to kiss Jack.

“I said get off me.” Jack growled as his fist made contact with Ianto jaw sending him flying across the room and his back crashing into the wall with a yelp of pain.

Ianto got to his feet and moved awkwardly towards Jack. “Go on, do it.” He goaded.

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

Ianto shoved Jack's chest hard with the palms of his hands shunting him backwards a few inches, when Jack didn't react he did it again with more force sending Jack flying onto his arse.

“You bastard, you want a fight, I'll give you one your won't forget.” Jack snarled getting to his feet and rushing at Ianto, knocking him to the ground, pinning him down with his own weight.

Jack raised his fist, aiming for Ianto's face but Ianto grabbed his wrist and bent it backwards causing Jack to yell in pain. With Jack distracted Ianto rolled them so he was on top, his hand on Jack's throat but not pressing down.

“I left you because I love you.” Ianto told him.

“And that makes so much sense.” Jack snarked, lifting his head and head butting Ianto in one swift move causing Ianto to release his hand from Jack's throat and put them both to his forehead as he yelped in pain. “If you love me you wouldn't have put me through what you did today.”

Jack's hands shoved Ianto off his body and tumbling to the floor, before he could scrabble out the way Jack grabbed his ankle and dragged him back towards him.

“I thought it was best to leave you now, before I get old you either dump me for a younger model, cheat on me or feel obligated to stay with me till I die!” Ianto shouted at him.

“So why come back?” Jack asked, pinning him to the floor again.

“Because I was barely gone an hour when I realised that I'll just have to cope when the time comes 'cos I love you too fucking much to leave you.”

“You should have talked to me, told me how you were feeling.” Jack told him. “Then you would have found out that I have no intention of leaving you or cheating on you for any reason than I fucking love you too!”

“But how will you feel in twenty years, thirty when I'm old and grey? You didn't answer me before.”

“How will I know till you are? All I know is that you're the first person I've wanted to spend my life with since Estelle and I had to leave her because she didn't know I was immortal, if I could have stayed with her I would have.”

“You still saw her though, she thought you were the son of the man she loved?”

“Yes, and it killed me, she was beautiful till the day she died to me. Grey hair, wrinkles and all.” Jack's eyes misted over and Ianto wondered if he had gone too far.

“Jack, I'm sorry ...”

“Sorry for what? Today or Estelle?”

“Everything, I was a shit.”

“Understatement of the year, do you have any idea how much it hurt when I found the note, the things you left on top of the cliff? I felt like my heart was ripping in two, the pain was physical Ianto.”

“I don't know what else to say, what I can do to make things better.”

“Nor do I Ianto, I love you but you really hurt me today and I'm not sure I can forgive you.”

Jack got to his feet and moved towards the door, Ianto was on his feet instantly and grabbed his arm pulling him to a stop.

“Please, it can't end like this, I love you.” Ianto pleaded, tears pouring down his face.

“Sorry, I need time to think.” Jack made to move again. “I'll be back.”

Ianto pushed Jack against the wall before he could react, his mouth on Jack's kissing him hard as Jack tried to fight against him. Ianto pressed a knee between Jack's legs pinning him even harder to the wall as tried force his tongue into Jack's mouth desperately trying to get him to respond in some way but Jack's hands just hung down at his sides.

Pressing his crotch to Jack's hip Ianto moved a hand to Jack's hair, tangling his fingers in it and pulling on it a little causing Jack to gasp giving him freer access to Jack's mouth, his tongue delving in deep as he found Jack's tangling with it as his teeth clashed against Jack's as his other hand went to Jack's crotch.

Finding the beginnings of an erection Ianto rubbed with the flat of his palm as he felt it harden more and more under his touch, Jack moaned loudly in Ianto's mouth before beginning to respond. Jack's arm wrapped tightly round Ianto as he finally responded to the kiss as the other went to the back of Ianto's head, pulling him even closer as the kiss began to get a little violent until they pulled apart gasping.

“I hate you.” Jack told him.

“I love you.”

“Fuck!” Jack growled before frantically grabbing at Ianto's clothes, half unfastening them and half ripping them off until Ianto took over and Jack stripped off his own.

Both naked Jack dragged Ianto to the sofa and pushed him down onto it, straddled his hips and kissed his hard again before biting on his lower lip then finding the pulse point on his neck and sucking hard on the tender skin, his teeth grazing it and leaving a huge love bite.

Ianto moaned loudly as Jack nipped his was down his chest, grazing one nipple with his teeth before treating the other in the same manner as Ianto canted his hips beneath him desperate for some friction on his aching cock.

“Get up.” Jack instructed him as he moved off him and stood by the sofa.

Ianto stood up, Jack span him round and bent him over the sofa. Ianto gripped the back of the sofa with his hands as Jack parted his legs, his fingers delving between the cheeks of Ianto's arse and rubbing roughly over his hole as Ianto panted and moaned beneath him.

“Need lube.” Jack mumbled, sucking a finger into his mouth before pressing it into the tight muscle making Ianto hiss a little.

“Just fuck me.” Ianto told him.

Jack carefully added a second finger, sliding them back and forth, preparing him as much as possible before withdrawing his fingers. Jack moistened his hand with more saliva and coated his cock before pushing slowly into Ianto's arse, stopping when Ianto yelped.

“Don't stop.” Ianto groaned.

“I'm hurting you.”

“No, I want this.” Ianto told him, pushing back and impaling himself fully on Jack's cock as he bit his lip. “Move.” He growled.

Jack began to move slowly and deeply, wanting to fuck him hard be scared of hurting him despite the anger he was still feeling, his emotions in turmoil. Ianto's hand released it's grip on the sofa and wrapped around his own cock, pumping furiously.

“Bloody well fuck me Jack, do it.”

“I ...”

“Jack I need this, please.”

Jack picked up his pace, his hands on Ianto's hips and he pounded relentlessly into Ianto's arse while Ianto's hand worked faster and faster on his own cock as he felt his orgasm mount, ignoring the small tinges of pain in his arse as Jack fucked him. Ianto howled out Jack's name as his come spurted over the sofa below in long white streams.

Ianto kept pumping his cock through his orgasm, extending it for as long as possible, feeling his arse contracting around Jack's cock. Moments later he felt Jack's come spill deep inside him as Jack let out a low grunt before falling on top of him, both of them collapsing onto the sofa.

Once their breathing returned to normal Jack slid his cock from Ianto's body, not missing the small spots of blood and a feeling of horror came over him.

“Don't move.” He told Ianto, rushing to the bathroom, returning with a wet flannel and carefully cleaning him.

“I hurt you, I'm sorry.” Jack told him as he moved into a sitting position.

“I wanted you to.” Ianto admitted.

“Did it help?”

“Yep, I need to feel .....” Ianto paused. “I can't explain.”

“I get it.” Jack replied simply. “You know this hasn't solved anything, we still need to talk.”

Ianto nodded. “Now?”

“No, I meant what I said, I need time to think.” Jack told him, pulling on his clothes. “I'm going to stay at the hub tonight.”

“Stay here, please.”

“No, I'll see you in the morning.” Jack told him firmly, putting on his coat and leaving the flat without another word.

Ianto ran a hot bath and lie in it trying to relax, trying to ignore the soreness of his arse as he wondered what Jack would say in the morning and if their relationship could survive what he had done.

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

An hour later Ianto was still in the bath, the water had long gone past hot, warm and even tepid and he lay there shivering knowing he should get out but feeling like he deserved to stay there as if the cold water was some kind of punishment. He was a little surprised to hear the front door being opened and closed again as it could only be Jack, Ianto panicked, had Jack made a decision and come to get his things? Before he could react the bathroom door opened and Jack stood in the door way, his eyes red rimmed and his expression one of sadness.

“Ianto.” He began, before realising the other man was shivering violently in the water.

Jack dipped his fingers in the bath. “What the hell are you doing?” He asked, pulling out the plug before grabbing a towel, putting it on the edge of the bath and put his hands under Ianto's armpits and hauling him onto his feet.

Ianto stepped out the bath, Jack's hands holding him firmly with one had as his picked the towel back up and wrapped it around him, rubbing it over him briskly in an attempt to warm him up. In the end Jack grabbed the open sides of his coat and wrapped it around him, using his body heat tom warm him faster.

Ianto didn't say a word, he didn't know what to say so he just let Jack hold him and buried his head in Jack's chest breathing in Jack's familiar scent and the comfort it gave him wondering how on earth he had come to his conclusion that morning that he should leave the man he loved.

“Warmer?” Jack asked.

“Yep, thank you.” Ianto said finally looking up at Jack.

“What were you trying to do, freeze yourself to death?”

“I was ... punishing myself.”

“Like earlier, that's what it was all about wasn't it, using rough sex to punish yourself?”

Ianto nodded.

“I should have stopped, I shouldn't have listened to you but I wanted it as much as you, I needed to punish you for what you did.” Jack admitted. “I hurt you, I know I did and I never meant for that to happen.”

“I wanted you too, don't blame yourself Jack.”

“We need to talk, I couldn't go to the hub, I just walked and walked and ended up back here.”

“Not here though.” Ianto gave him a weak smile, glancing around the bathroom.

“And you need to put something on and warm up properly.” Jack replied, unwrapping his coat from Ianto's body.

Ianto padded to the bedroom barefoot wrapped in the towel and pulled out an old pair of pyjama bottom and an old t shirt as Jack took off his coat and boots and sat on the edge of the bed watching him.

“Get under the duvet, your still shivering a little.” Jack told him, moving to sit further on it as Ianto did so.

They sat there not saying a word for a few minutes, neither of them knowing where to start as Ianto stopped shivering and hugged a pillow to himself.

“Please don't hate me.” Ianto said eventually, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I don't, I shouldn't have said that.”

“Do you still love me?”

“Yeah, but I'm still angry with you.”

“And I don't blame you, what I did ... it was cruel.” Ianto admitted. “I wondered if I really should have thrown myself off the cliff when I realised what I had done.”

“That would have been worse, I would never have known why you did it and I'm not sure I could ever have forgiven you for doing something like that.”

“I need to explain properly, I know it won't sound sane or reasonable but I was upset. It's no excuse but Gwen's funeral really got to me yesterday, it was bad enough losing Tosh and Owen but losing Gwen seemed like the final straw.” Ianto paused for a moment to compose himself. “I woke in the early hours of this morning panicking that I would be next, that it was my turn to die and it freaked me out.”

“And the other stuff? About me leaving you?” Jack asked.

“I was watching you sleep, thinking how you still looked exactly the same as when we first met and knowing that you wouldn't have changed when I got old and wondered how you could still want me when you would still be looking ... well gorgeous.”

“You really think I'm that fickle?”

“That was just it, I didn't think I just panicked and made a rash decision.”

Jack reached over and stroked his hand down Ianto's face. “I meant what I said, you're the only person since Estelle that I've allowed myself to fall for completely. I can't lose you.”

“But you haven't forgiven me yet, have you?”

“No, but just give me a little time and love will help me reach forgiveness.”

“I'll understand if you never trust me again, but I promise I'll never do anything like that, I'll never hurt you again.”

“And I believe you. I think we should try and get some sleep. Tomorrow is a new day, a new beginning maybe.” Jack told Ianto softly, getting off the bed.

“You're leaving?” Ianto panicked.

“No.” Jack told him, sliding off his braces and unbuttoning his shirt. “I won't sleep any better alone.”

Jack stripped down to his underwear and got in beside Ianto, moving right to the edge of the bed and turning on his side facing away from Ianto.

“Night.” Jack said simply.

“Night.” Ianto replied, swallowing a sob as he curled up on his side feeling very lonely despite Jack being in the same bed.

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

Both of them lay there for what seemed like hours without falling asleep until the early hours of the morning, Jack woke first after barely three hours sleep and found himself wrapped around Ianto's warm body. It seemed that instinct took over while he slept and he'd rolled towards his lover, spooning against his back.

Jack couldn't help himself, breathing in deeply Ianto's unique scent me let out a small, soft moan before kissing him gently on the back of the neck. Ianto made a snuffling sound into his pillow making Jack smile, he knew he should still be feeling angry with him but after their talk the night before it had mostly dissipated.

He still hadn't forgiven him, he knew it would take a while for him to trust Ianto again but all he wanted at that moment was to take him in his arms and show him how much he loved him. Jack kissed the back of Ianto's neck again, his lips lingering longer before planting small butterfly kisses over his neck and shoulder as his hand ghosted down Ianto's side and stopping on his hip as Ianto murmured sleepily under his touch.

“Jack.” Ianto whispered as he rolled onto his back, not really awake but not quite asleep.

“I do love you, you know that you idiot.” Jack whispered back before placing a soft kiss to his lips.

“Jack?” Ianto said, wondering if he had imagined the kiss as his eyes fluttered open.

“Did you just kiss me?”

“Hey, that's my line.” Jack smiled softly.

“Did you?”

“Yeah, I couldn't resist those lips of yours, they should come with a warning.”

“A warning?” Ianto's head was still fuzzy with sleep.

“Totally irresistible.”

“Oh.” Ianto paused as he became more awake. “ About yesterday ...”

“Shhh.” Jack told him, putting a finger on his lips. “Don't.”

“But.”

This time Jack silenced him with a kiss, pressing his lips to Ianto's tenderly until Ianto's mouth opened beneath his and the tip if his tongue tasted his lower lip before receding back onto his mouth. Jack slid his tongue into Ianto's mouth with a small moan, finding Ianto's and massaging it with his own as the kiss got more and more passionate.

Ianto opened his eyes and found Jack watching him, their eyes locking with each others as they kissed again pouring every emotion they felt into it, Ianto rolled Jack onto his back without breaking the kiss as they tasted and savoured each other for a long time. Only breaking now and then for air, gasping softly before seeking each others lips again, now swollen and bruised but neither of them caring.

“I. Love. You.” Jack told Ianto, sometime later punctuating each word with a kiss to Ianto's neck.

“I know. I'm sorry.” Ianto replied still a little breathless.

“Don't spoil this.” Jack told him, sliding a hand under Ianto's t shirt and stroking his fingers through the soft hairs on his chest, finding a nipple as he mouth met Ianto's again.

Ianto moaned softly into Jack's mouth and the fingers teased his nipple into a hard nub, rolling it between his thumb and forefinger as his other hand pushed the t shirt further upwards to expose his chest before his mouth left Ianto and latched onto his nipple, sucking and nipping on it as his hand found the other one and gave it some attention.

Arching his back Ianto let out a loud moan, pressing his crotch down on Jack's cursing the fabric that separated their bodies. Jack grabbed the bottom of Ianto's t shirt as his mouth left his nipple and yanked it quickly over his head catching Ianto as he fell towards his body, wrapping his arms around him and kissing him deeply for a few minutes as they rutted slowly against each other.

“I want to make love to you.” Ianto murmured in Jack's ear as the kiss broke. “I need to show you how much I love you, how much you mean to me.”

“Show me.” Jack told him before they kissed once more, briefly but tenderly.

Ianto kissed along Jack's jaw towards his ear, nipping it and making Jack moan before placing small, fleeting kissing down his neck until he reached the sensitive juncture where his neck met his shoulder and kissing it hard before sucking the area into his mouth and worrying it with his teeth to make a mark he knew would barely last a few hours as Jack groaned in pleasure.

After placing a kiss to the blossoming bruise Ianto kissed his way down Jack's smooth chest, the flat of his tongue sliding first over one nipple and then the other before he took one into his mouth, the tip of his tongue teasing the small erect nub as Jack's fingers twisted in the strands of his hair. Sliding a hand down Jack's torso until he met the waistband of his briefs, cupping his hardness through the fabric.

Using the flat of his palm Ianto rubbed Jack's erection though his briefs, deliberately slowly but very firmly as his mouth continued to work on his nipples. Jack's hips canted upwards, pressing harder into Ianto's hand as his back arched off the bed and his fingers tightened around the hair in his hand. Ianto slid his hand to the top of Jack's briefs, teasing the leaking head that poked out the elastic as his mouth left Jack's chest and then lifted his finger to his mouth to taste Jack's essence.

Jack opened his eyes as Ianto's head dipped lower wanting to taste more, the tip of his tongue delving into the slit of the almost still hidden cock sending waves of pleasure through Jack's body. His hips rising from the bed again, his silently begging for Ianto to remove his briefs finally being heard as Ianto hooked both hands into the elastic and pulled then down to his thighs.

Ianto cupped his balls with one hand as his tongue found Jack's cock again, sliding it teasingly from root to tip as it trailed along the thick vein before delving into the tip again, savouring the taste on his tongue for a few moments before taking just the head into his mouth and sucking as his tongue continued to tease the tip.

Jack's hips rolled beneath his mouth, his hand putting pressure on his head as he tried to encourage Ianto to take more of his cock into his mouth but Ianto wasn't being rushed, he wanted to show Jack just how much he loved him. The hand cupping Jack's balls massaged and rolled them in it's palm as Jack moaned unashamedly loudly, letting out a soft groan of appointment as they hand left them but replaced it with a murmurer of pleasure as Ianto's fingertips slid between his buttocks and ghosted over his hole sending ripples of excitement through him.

“Ianto.” The name came out like a ghost of a whisper as he felt the the fingers touch him more firmly.

Ianto released the head of Jack's cock slowly from his mouth, kissing back down it's length to the base and teasing the surrounding soft skin through the soft hairs with the tip of his tongue, moving lower and lower. Jack's legs spread wide in anticipation, letting out a small moan of excitement as he shuddered when Ianto's tongue replaced his fingers at the tight entrance to his body.

Ianto could feel the tight muscle of Jack's arse quivering as the flat of his tongue lapped over it, Jack grasping his own legs behind the knees and pulling them back and as wide as possible as he felt the tip of Ianto's tongue delve into his body in the most intimate way. The tight muscles of Jack's hole relaxing as Ianto's tongue teased and probed the opening, Jack panting loudly below him as he added a finger.

“Oh god.” Jack panted as Ianto alternated moving fucking Jack's arse with his finger and then his tongue, he felt like his whole body was going to explode. “Need to come, need you inside me.”

Ianto delved his tongue into Jack's arse once more before kneeling up and pushing his pyjama bottoms down past his knees, lifting one leg inches off the bed and then the other as he discarded them completely before covering Jack's body with his own and kissing him deeply so Jack could taste his own unique mustiness on Ianto's tongue.

Ianto broke the kiss and looked in Jack's eyes and he used a hand to place his cock at Jack's entrance, pushing in slowly until he was fully seated and not moving as he just revelled in the tight heat that surrounded his aching cock as Jack pulled him down flush to his body, wrapping his arms tightly around his torso as his legs wrapped round his waist pulling him in even deeper.

Slowly Ianto began to thrust his hips, pressing his body to Jack, feeling his erection between their bodies as Jack mumbled something incoherent moment before he gasped out loudly and Ianto felt the warm stickiness of his come spurt between their bodies. Ianto picked up his pace, his thrusts getting faster as he kissed Jack sloppily until he felt his own orgasm building, holding back for a long as possible before his body took control over his mind and he thrust inside him erratically before his cock pulsated and he came deep inside his lover.

Ianto lay his head on Jack's chest panting until his heart rate returned to normality before looking up at him, unspoken questions in his mind as Jack lifted his head and kissed him softly.

“I love you so much Ianto, please don't let me lose you until I have to.” Jack whispered.

“I won't.” Ianto replied simply as they kissed again before Ianto withdrew from his body and they rolled on their sides facing each other, holding tight as they drifted into sleep again, both knowing they still needed to talk but feeling more hopeful about their relationship.

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

Ianto woke to an empty bed and panicked, he sat up suddenly wide awake and wondered where Jack was before hearing small noises from the kitchen. Letting out the breath he didn't realise he was holding Ianto climbed out of bed. Wrapped his dressing gown around his naked body to ward off the chill and headed for the kitchen and found Jack with buttering a pile of toast and a tray containing a teapot and it's various accompaniments.

“I've called Linda and told her we won't be in unless Cardiff is in immediate danger.” Jack told him, noting his presence without turning away from the job in hand. “We need to talk, clear the air as they say.”

“With tea?” Ianto replied.

“And toast, I'm starving and I daren't attempt to make coffee.” Jack said as he added the toast to the tray and led the way out the kitchen and into the living room, placing it on the coffee table in front of the sofa.

Jack sat on the sofa, Ianto sitting a little stiffly beside him not sure what to say.

“Before you say anything there's some things I want to say.” Jack told him. “Okay?”

“Yep.”

“I forgive you, for what you put me through yesterday. But it's going to take me a while to forget and to trust you again, no matter how much you reassure me you'll never do anything like it again.” Jack paused as he watched Ianto's adam's apple bob as he gulped. “The thing I don't get is, if you love me why you left me? You said you did it because you love me and no matter how much I think about it I can't understand how you came to that conclusion?”

“It's going to sound really stupid now.” Ianto replied, not looking Jack in the eye.

“I'm listening.”

“I thought it would be the best thing for us both, I know how hurt you get when you lose people and it occurred to me that the longer we had together the more it would hurt and I thought it would be better to end it before it got to the point where it hurt so much it felt like it was killing you.”

“I'm already at that point, what you did yesterday only brought it home to me. The first time I admitted to myself how much I was going to miss you when you go, something I've always denied myself from thinking about and I never want to go through it again but, when it happens I will grieve for you and myself and never forget you.”

“Jack, you have to know how much I regret what I did. Now I'm going to hurt you twice for the same reason and I have no idea how I can make it up to you, make you trust me.”

“I don't know either, but I know we can work through this, I know I love you enough to not lose you over this. I need to know exactly why you thought I'd cheat on you or feel obliged to stay with you when you start getting older?”

“You look in mirror's Jack, you take good care of your appearance and you look fucking gorgeous. You've not changed one iota since we met and at some point I will end up looking older than you, why wouldn't I be insecure about you wanting someone younger and prettier?”

“Because when you love someone things like that don't come into the equation.” Jack told him bluntly. “You will always be beautiful to me.” Jack reached up and stroked his fingers down Ianto's cheek.

“I don't know how to say I'm sorry in a way that you'll believe me.”

“Do you want to leave Torchwood?” Jack asked, ignoring the question.

“Sorry?”

“One of your reasons was you were scared of dying young?”

“I still am, but I don't think I could do a 'normal' job after working for Torchwood unless you retconned me and then I'd lose you in another way.”

“It scares me, every day that you might die while saving Cardiff, the world but I can't give into it or I would have fired or retired you years ago.” Jack smiled softly. “But never retcon, it doesn't solve everything, no matter what Gwen thought.”

“Being in love with someone who's immortal is hard you know, seeing you die kills a little part of me each time it happens even though I know you'll come back there's this tiny voice at the back of my head telling me that just maybe you won't and losing you in any way scares me too.”

“You nearly did.” Jack told him. “I was so angry with you I wanted to beat you to a pulp just after I dumped you for good, you have Linda to thank for calming me down.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, look there's something I have to tell you or it will eat me up inside.” Jack took a deep breath. “I kissed Linda, or I tried, I wanted to use her to get back at you but she wasn't having any of it. She's not stupid.”

“You didn't have to tell me but I can't be angry with you, after what I did I don't blame you.”

“I should bloody well hope not!” Jack stated. “Okay, this is how I see it. I think we need to talk to each other more about how we're feeling, let each other know when something is getting to us and avoid anything like this happening again, on both sides. Believe me you're not the only one that worried about these things.”

“I will prove to you how sorry I am, how much you mean to me and I promise to talk to you about anything that's worrying me, about work or us.” Ianto replied, looking Jack directly in the eye.

“Now that I have no problem believing.” Jack replied, kissing him softly. “Today is a new day and we should now look to the future, not fret over the past.

“Thank you.” Ianto replied, pulling him into his arms and kissing him deeply.

The End.


	14. Epilogue

One week later ...

Jack arrived home after getting stuck at the hub late with a rather fraught call with the prime minister and was not in the good mood, all he wanted was food, a long bath and some relaxation with Ianto. Walking into their flat the first thing that availed his senses was the music, Glen Miller playing softly on the stereo in the living room fill the air and was closely followed the delicious aromas coming from the kitchen.

Hanging up his coat and kicking off his boot in the hall Jack went to investigate, finding Ianto in the kitchen wearing old, threadbare jeans and a t shirt. His feet were bare and Jack's brain filled with the notion that Ianto probably wasn't wearing anything under the jeans, curtailing the urge to kiss him senseless while discovering if he was right he moved further into the room. Ianto looked up and grinned, turning the gas off under a saucepan as he did so.

“Am I missing something?” Jack asked, realising there was more than a simple meal being prepared.

“Nope, today is our first anniversary.”

“Of what?”

“Looking to the future, I ran you a bath when you called to say you were on your way home. Go and relax, dinner will be ready when you're ready.”

“You don't have to do this Ianto, I know ...”

Ianto cut him off with a chaste kiss to the lips. “Yes I do.” He told him firmly. “No go bathe.”

“Okay.” Jack replied, heading to the bathroom.

When Jack returned from his bath, dressed much like his lover he found the living room lit with candles and the small fold away dining table set fit for a king. Despite the amount of takeaways and junk food they consumed on a normal day to day basis he knew Ianto could cook, and cook well and his stomach was rumbling at the thought of whatever it was Ianto had prepared.

Once dinner was consumed, all three delicious courses accompanied by a couple of bottles of a very good red wine they left the washing up in the sink and retired to bed to reaffirm their feelings for each other before drifting into sated sleeps.

Three months later ...

Jack could feel his excitement mounting the more the day went on, Ianto had booked something for the evening for him but wouldn't tell him anything about it. When Jack enquired as to whether he needed to dress for the occasion Ianto assured him that his usual attire would be perfect for the evening.

Arriving home Ianto told Jack to freshen up first and then locked himself in the bathroom to get himself ready for the forthcoming evening. When he emerged Jack gasped in amazement, Ianto was dressed not unlike himself and looked like he had just stepped from the late 1940's or early 1950's, even his hair was tamed in more of a style of the era.

“Wow.” Was all Jack was able to utter as he pulled Ianto into his arms and kissed him.

“You approve?” Ianto asked.

“Maybe we should just stay home.” Jack suggested, nuzzling his neck.

“Nope, plenty of time for that later and I have even more surprises for you.”

“Please tell me where we're going?”

Ianto pulled two tickets from his pocket and handed them to him and read what it said on the front.

“Relive or discover the music of the forties and fifties, jitterbug and jive till you drop.”

“Really?” Jack grinned.

“Yep, really.”

“Fantastic!” Jack replied, kissing Ianto hard. “Maybe we should be taking 'dates'”

“No need, I checked, they have no rules on the couples being strictly boy/girl.”

“Even better, lets go.” Jack grinned.

Once they arrived Ianto revealed his final surprise, over the last three months he hadn't really had to go to the dentist for extensive dental work on a ingrowing wisdom tooth once a week but having lessons in dancing the jitterbug and how to jive.

They barely stopped dancing all evening, totally oblivious to everyone else in the dance hall. Jack never would have believed how well Ianto could dance until that moment and took advantage of it, they arrived back home hours later a little tipsy and very happy and tumbled into bed absolutely shattered.

Six months later ...

“You may kiss.” The registrar told them.

All the guests cheered as they kissed tenderly, arms wrapping around each others waists as they lost themselves in their first kiss as a 'married' couple. The sky of Cardiff had deemed to be sunny for them and as they walked out into the brightness they were showered with confetti, both of them could imagine how widely Gwen, Tosh and Owen would have been grinning of they could have been there and when they talked later they both agreed that they liked to think they were looking down on them.

Rhys had been Jack's best man and Andy Ianto's and Gwen and Rhys' little boy, barely toddling made the cutest little pageboy. The reception was an informal affair held in a huge marque in the garden of a large posh hotel with a live band and a buffet, no one noticed when Jack and Ianto sneaked off into the hotels flower garden and sat down on a wooden bench and toasted each other with glasses of champagne.

“You did it.” Jack grinned. “When you proposed to me I knew you had reached the point where you knew you had no doubts about us or relationship anymore.”

“Do you have any idea how nervous I was? I was so scared you would say no, that you were still angry with me for what I did.” Ianto told him.

“It was the second best day of my life.” Jack said, kissing him softly.

“Not the best?”

“No, today was the best.” Jack replied, letting out a small 'omph' like noise as Ianto kissed him hard, wrapping his arms around him tightly as they blocked out the world around them.

“Hey you two daft sods.” A voice cut through their peaceful moment.

They pulled apart to find Rhys looking at them with a grin on his face. “Time to cut the cake.” He announced.

Getting to their feet they walked back to the marque with Rhys, everyone cheering as they cut the cake and handing it out to their guests and moving to the dance floor for a very slow dance in each others arms. After waiting for as long as they could they announced they were leaving, telling everyone to keep enjoying the party they climbed into the vintage car that had been laid on for them for the day and were chauffeur driven back to their flat.

Three hours later when they lay sated and exhausted in bed Jack propped himself up on his elbow and looked into Ianto's eyes.

“Best day in my life ever, nothing will ever compare.” Ianto told him.

“Nothing? You sure about that?” Jack asked.

“What could possibly surpass today?”

Jack pulled Ianto into his arms and kissed him softly before whispering in his ear. “What are your feelings on having children?” Jack grinned.

Ianto's eyes widened as it dawned on his what Jack was saying. “You're ...?”

“I think so.” Jack replied as he kissed Ianto again to stop him stuttering.

The End.


End file.
